So, I heard that in the book, " The Artists Way" Its a good Practice to get out your head in the morning by journalling all the things that come to your mind. for the benefit of your overall clarity throughout the day. Abriham Lincoln also had a similar practice he called hot pages. so Today i am here to express how i feel about certain situations in my life. im working on affirmations but to be honest The fact that i was a ward of the state as a youth really holds a lot of weight on me because i felt abandoned. i still feel because of this that i am not worthy to be loved and appreciated by those around me. sometimes i even feel guilty for even being sad because there are people who had it worse off than me, but dont i deserve to feel compassion. Do my wounds not still hurt?Where do i go from here. Im constantly beating myself up when all i want to do is forgive myself and move on with my life. Thats even harder to do because i doubled down on the past trauma and cause a bigger problem. first i was hurt now im hurting myself. I dont feel like ill make the right decisions because i trusted my heart to someone else too many times and they broke my heart again but i cant blame anyone when i allowed it to be done to me. Why cant i be stronger? why am i still repeating this cycle?
why have i not reached my turning point? i feel so depressed at times. i fake smiles when i want to cry. i. pretend everything is ok when its falling apart. Im trying to practice minfulness but my realization is that i am not really happy. im fighting for a spot in the brightest spot in my life and the darkness tends to take over. Im meditating, exercising, and journaling but im not elevating as fast as i would hope to. i desire so much to be loved and to love others without limitations however there are always limits on the relationships around me. I dont want my cup to overflow only to be filled to the top.
I want love and affection but all i tend to get is hate and no manifestation. maybe im just doubting mysel. maybe im standing in my dream right now. Lord open my eyes so i can see whats in front of me. I dont want to sleep. I want to be alive and active. I wnat to be available to receive the blessing set out for me. Im tired of standing in my own way. im ready to proceed with caution over the bridge to my hapilly ever after.
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